What I wrote last week may sound like a funny little experience but it is actually a big deal to me.  My bitching goes deeper than just pigging out.

What I don’t understand is how people always assume that I eat small portions, or should I say, lady-like portions.  I think that’s unfair!  I, too, would like to enjoy the other sinful and better tasting stuff.  I bet if I were a man, people wouldn’t give a damn if I ordered the entire kitchen.

Who the hell started the expectations of women feeding on modest food servings?  I’m thinking, it has to be the same people who believe that women should not run their own company, and that women will not excel in a machinery business dominated by balls and dicks, and that women with reputable reputations should not post sexy photos in the net, and that women who post revealing internet pics are whores-for-sale.

These people just seem to know that every woman’s destiny is to wear floor length skirts and take care of homes and children.  Anything outside of that is just taboo.

We may be modern in many ways but the age-old machismo mindset is still prevalent in society today.  It’s the idea that some women who are actually in control of their own lives and succeeding in a man’s world screw up the natural balance of mankind.  People, there is just too much room for men in mankind.  Heck, even the word, “mankind” has to have “man” in it.  We need more dominant and respectable women strutting their asses in the net, and more importantly, in society.  And if this means that I have to stuff myself silly more often or start a movement to ban the word, “mankind” in the English language to prove a point, so be it.

Am I just exaggerating?  Is it just me or do you share the same observation that, on this day and age, we are still living in a society that favors men.  I want to know what you all think.

Readers, enlighten me…

Yesterday was one of those days where my mood told me that I deserved to pig out.  Giddily, I rushed to this restaurant to give in to my whim.  The hostess welcomed me and lead me to my table.

“Good morning, ma’an. Your server will be Mark,” said the hostess as she handed me the menu.

“Thank you, but I don’t have to look at the menu, miss. I already know what I want,” I said.

“Okay, ma’am. I will tell Mark to attend to you right away.” And then she turned around and motioned for the server to come to me immediately.

“May I take your order, ma’am,” said Mark.

“I will have the Grilled Beef Salad, please,” I said. He then asked how I’d like the portions to be: lunch or regular? Of course, I was gonna have it on regular portions.

Then he raised an eyebrow and eyed me. “Um, our regular portions are good for two to three persons, ma’am.”

So you think the serving’s too big for me, I thought, annoyed. “I know but I want the regular portion, please.” I knew he was sizing me up and the morsel of irritation was begining to grow. He started to confirm my order but the nerve of this person!

“Wait I’m not done ordering. I want the Shrimp Fra Diablo as my main course, please” I beamed, hiding my annoyance. Again, he asked for the portions. And again, I said regular.

“But that’s too large a serving, ma’am. You won’t be able to finish it,” Mark warned. Oh dear, I thought, the first time I’ve seen this guy and he actually knows how much food can fit my tummy. I looked at him straight in the eye and said with much confidence, “Don’t worry. I will finish it.”

The server went back to the counter to punch my order in. I could see him clearly see him talking with the other servers. They were all stealing glimpses at my direction. They were obviously talking about me. It wasn’t hardto see that there were bettings going on. Will this girl finish her food or will she leave with a doggie bag?

Let’s see about that, I thought as Mark placed the salad on my table. It was abig plate of salad but I knew this was a cinch. I wiped it out with ease. Honestly, the salad along was a hefty meal. But I had a mission. So I wiped my lips and confidently asked for my main course.

The Shrimp Fra Diablo, a pasta dish, was brought to my table. It was huge. I picked up my fork and starting eating. Halfway through the meal, I thought I was going to burst. But I could feel piercing glances from the servers. So went on eating, just to prove that I could finish everything.

I was able to finish my plate.  I could not move and was close to throwing up but I finished my plate. I surveyed the servers. I could see some of them smiling and others shaking their heads in amusement. Yes, I did it! Who’s your daddy now? I thought with pride. I looked at Mark and asked for my check.

“Did you win the bet?” I asked Mark as he handed me my receipt. He was surprised that I noticed the private bettings that went on. “No ma’am. I lost.”

Of course, I gave him a triumphant smile. Good for you. I stood up and left the restaurant strutting like a champion. Of course, what happened next was terrible. I took a pill because I felt so sick. I developed a migraine the whole day. I could not eat the following day. But none of that mattered.

Victory is sweet. So is reversing expectations and scoring an upset—no pun intended.

So my partner and I were making microwave popcorn one time. While waiting, we were re-enacting certain scenes from Wolverine a movie we had just seen the day before. It was a very entertaining movie starring Hugh Jackman, whom we shall note is in my Top Five MILF list.

We all know what MILF stands for: Mother I’d Like to Fuck. I took liberty and renamed it, Men I’d Like to Fuck. Also, I intentionally retained the word, “fuck,” because the only person I want to make love to is my partner; everybody else I will obviously just fuck (only if I get the opportunity to do so).

Now, if you are in a committed relationship, you are allowed to compile a list of five people you would like to have sex with. To make things fair, the person you are in a committed relationship with gets to compile his/her own list too. But the people in the list should be shared with one’s partner. I think that knowing who is in your partner’s list is very healthy. It gives people the opportunity to aspire to be like whoever these individuals are or pick up certain traits of those who are in the list. In other words, it is a great alternative of knowing who your partner likes, what he/she likes in a person and how he/she can be pleased.

However, the people in that list not only have to be celebrities, but celebrities you do not personally know or will never ever bump into – even in the most remote social situation. I mean, hey, I would not want to see any of my friends in his list.

So here is my Top Five MILF, as of today. It is also my way of finally telling people my type of guy – a question I get a lot these days.

1. Hugh Jackman
2. Daniel Craig
3. Christian Bale
4. Sean Connery
5. Brad Pitt

Okay, before you all start rolling your eyes about the Brad Pitt thing, just be glad I did not include John Smith from Disney’s Pocahontas because I was actually thisclose to putting him in my list.

I know this is difficult to believe but I am proud to say that my list has very little to do with appearance and everything to do with overall package. Are they driven? Are they responsible individuals? Do they care about people? Do they have a say about certain issues? Can they actually recite the alphabet without missing a letter? Also, a toned body helps. And of course, I will be honest and say that all the scenes where Hugh Jackman did not have a shirt on were very pleasing to my eyes.

Pardon me, but perhaps my use of the word “fuck” is too hyberbolized. Maybe I should have said, M.I.W.L.T.T.M.P.A., Men I Would Like To Throw My Panties At list, or, Y.M.I.W.L.T.E., Yummy Men I Would Love To Eat list. Anyway, you all get the message. So if you don’t have a list yet, do us all a favor and get one.

Of course, my partner has his own list. Here it is:

1. Angelina Jolie
2. Megan Fox
3. Kate Beckinsale
4. Charlize Theron
5. Milla Jovovich

And if you all must know, if we spot Angelina Jolie in the streets, I would gladly take off my man’s briefs and throw them at her head. I plan to add that in our vows.

So, who’s in your list?

We all know about a celebrity doctor getting caught having sex with a bevy of women, well-known or otherwise. Because of their stature, such news have become quite an extravaganza. I am sure that some of you have had their fair share of being discovered while in the middle of lovemaking too. I am not exempted from this. I have had my own experiences of getting caught, literally, with my pants down. And if you all must know, I got caught twice in my lifetime.

Read the rest of this entry »

We all know the story of David, a young boy who slew the giant, Goliath. Although a lot can be learned from this story, there is still no hard evidence that this story is true. To me, it is a story of fiction.

Then we all learn about this plain housewife.

With no political background, this plain housewife served as the central figure in unifying the opposition against the leader of a regime that stood for 20 years. She led the People Power Revolution, a series of nonviolent street demonstrations that toppled a well-entrenched authoritarian administration.

Eventually, this plain housewife became the first woman president of a nation and the people celebrated and responded with glee by showering the country with yellow confetti. She was given numerous distinctions like the honor of being Time Magazine’s Woman of The Year, one of the 20 most influential Asians of the 20^th century and was cited as one of the 100 Women Who Shaped World History after receiving worldwide acclaim for the peaceful manner in which she assumed presidency.

During her term, this plain housewife abolished the previous administration’s laws that gave absolute power to the president. She appointed a commission that would rewrite the constitution and restore democracy to the nation. She also survived several bloody coup attempts. Although these insurrections were led by seasoned military officials and soldiers, she managed to crush all their efforts to overthrow her government.

At the end of her presidential term, this plain housewife retired to private life. Although she was no longer president, she continued to become the country’s moral leader. She remained active in social causes and continued to speak her mind regarding political issues.

Last year, this plain housewife was diagnosed with stage four cancer. During those trying times, she once again united a nation. People from all walks of life prayed for a miracle. Her fiercest rivals expressed concern and led prayer rallies for her recovery.

Although she fought the last battle of her life with courage, this plain housewife surrendered to God’s will, as she had always done in her life. She peacefully passed away from complications brought about by her cancer. Everywhere, we hear nothing but positive memories about her from common people and world leaders alike. Even her most bitter enemies paid tribute and showed profound respect.

In the end, this plain housewife has given her country legacies that will never be forgotten – democracy, peace, prayer and the empowerment of women. She deserves a funeral fit for a worthy queen. And once again the country is drenched in yellow.

This plain housewife has reminded me that anything is possible, thatDavid can really slay Goliath.

Farewell, Cory.

While a few weeks have already passed, Michael Jackson’s death remains big news. Although his fame was mostly in the 70s and 80s, his passing affects generations – young and old alike. It is difficult to be indifferent about his demise because there is a little of Michael Jackson in all of us.

He was arguably the most exciting performer of his time. At the same time, he was probably the most unconventional entertainer. His dancing style was unorthodox and was known for his moonwalks and crotch-grabbing dance moves. He had a unique high-pitched singing style that was occasionally punctuated with yells, squeals, deep breaths and titters. He even dressed differently with sequined socks, single glove, military-type tops and multi-zippered jackets.

As years went by, Michael slowly transformed into a bizarre figure. His nose became narrower, his skin paler, his chin more prominent and his hair straighter than ever before. He even spoke in a breathy, juvenile voice. It appeared like he was a little boy trapped in a grown man’s body. He had a chimpanzee for a best friend and constantly surrounded himself with children. He lived in Neverland, a fantasy playground filled with toys, rides and animals. Because of his outrageous ways and lifestyle, he was often referred to as “Wacko Jacko.”

It seemed that he was forever trying to challenge the norms of society. His very essence was all about waging war against stereotypes. And this is where I feel a certain connection with Michael. In my own way, I may be a wacko too because I also try to defy gravity. I own and run a company that operates in a male-dominated market and I secretly post sexy photos in the net for kicks.

Love him or hate him, there is no escaping Michael Jackson even in death. Whether we like it or not, we are affected by his death because we somehow see part of ourselves in him. To me, his death is tragic. It means that there is one less wacko in this world today.

I got a lot of feedback through emails and YM after I wrote about my thoughts regarding the video scandal issue. People were basically asking me the same questions so I figured that I will answer all that in this entry.

Aside from my FHM photos, do I keep explicit pics?
Yes.

Do I have sex videos of my own?
Yes.

Do I delete all explicit photos and sex videos after they are taken?
No.

What if they end up being circulated to the public and my identity is revealed?
First of all, I would like to thank all those who expressed concern in the event that this happens to me. Your words were greatly appreciated.

But the truth is, I am nothing compared to Hayden Kho and Katrina Halili. They are celebrities. I am just a regular person. If my private porn falls in the wrong hands, it’s not going to be big news. But, I am fully aware of the controversies that may arise within my own personal circles.

Of course, being discovered is something to worry about. That is why I go through great lengths to protect myself. Should bad luck come my way though, then I guess I will just have to suck it all up and face the consequences. If I had the guts to do all those kinky stuff, I should also have the guts to accept all possible repercussions.

Will I still keep on taking explicit photos and videos of myself despite all the bad sex video publicity and the negative outcome that may come my way? Why?
Yes. And, as always, they will be done discreetly and responsibly. I have said this before and I will say it again: We only live once. I want to enjoy life to the fullest. At this point, I know I have achieved a lot of successes. If my naughty side gets exposed, I am confident that I will not be judged by my explicit pics and sex videos but by my career and life accomplishments. My achievements will far outweigh the crazy things that I do on the side. I am convinced people will just say, “Hey, that’s one cool chick. She’s one savvy professional who knows how to have fun.” Besides, let’s just all look at ourselves now. Don’t we all do some crazy things in our lives?

Here is a little sex video story of my own. Years ago, when my partner and I were still in the getting-to-know-each-other stage of our relationship he confessed that he and his previous girlfriend decided to shoot a video of themselves having sex. Although I was surprised to find that out, I was very eager to watch the video. Initially, my man disagreed with the idea since he did not want me to see him making out with another girl.  However, I was extremely persistent. He had no choice but to give in. 

Because the act was consensual, the video was very clear and, I must admit, quite well-made. Forgive me if I do not wish to get into the explicit blow-by-blow details of the video—that’s reserved for the Ladies’ Confession section. Let me just say that it practically had everything you would want to see in a porn movie: sultry dances, stripping, hand jobs, blow jobs, oral sex, 69, girl-on-top, doggie style, sideways, extreme close ups—name it, they did it. And documented it. 

My man was obviously very uncomfortable while we were watching the video. He was fidgety. He would occasionally steal glances at my direction when it came to the acrobatic, moaning, and groaning parts. Often, he would ask me if I wanted to stop or keep watching. I would always tell him that I wanted to watch some more (although inside me it was more like, Turn this off and you’re dead.  Hell yeah, I would love to watch every single second of the show!!!).

I was glued to their home porn from beginning to end. For the record, it did not turn me on. But also I did not feel a tinge of anger or jealousy. What I felt was a sense of satisfaction. 

I am fully aware that what I did back then was something that I am not proud of.  However, I felt that I just had to watch the video. Everyone who is in a relationship has, at one point or another, wondered about his or her partner’s past affairs. What was he/she like with his/her ex’s? What were his/her exes like? It is simply human nature. Then there I was presented with the rare chance to see for myself my partner and his ex-girlfriend in their most intimate and most vulnerable moment. I never asked for it, it just fell on my lap. Without hesitation, I grabbed that perfect opportunity.

Right now, I feel that my relationship with my partner is rock solid. Obviously, that video was never a snag. Our relationship has gotten stronger through the years. I don’t care if he fucked all the girls in the world before me. What I have always held dear is the present. As long as I am the only one he makes love to now, that is all that matters. 

So what ever happened to that sex video?  Immediately after watching the video, my partner and I both destroyed it. I was so proud of myself.

Having close to 250 sexy photos in the Internet and counting, Hayden Kho and I seem to share the same interest of documenting private sexy moments.

Unless you live under a rock, you’ll know that the Hayden Kho video scandal is the hottest issue sweeping the nation. So hot a topic it is that the Swine Flu outbreak can wait. I have a few things to say about it, which I’m sure you all want to know. Below are my take on some facts about the controversy.1. First, taking photos and/or videotaping your partner should be a fun thing. I have always harped about how these can actually give more oomph to intimate moments with your loved one. However, it is certainly most wretched and highly disrespectful if this is done without the other person’s consent. I join the nation’s cry of outrage regarding this aspect.

When photos and/or videos are taken, extreme responsibility should be practiced. Whether Kho’s videos were shared, leaked, or stolen, access to such files should always be kept private and guarded.

2. According to politicians, the media and almost everyone who has seen his videos, Hayden Kho is a pervert of the highest kind. But, we are no different from him. If we are guilty of downloading, purchasing, watching the videos, sharing our own copies with our friends and family or taking pleasure in finding out more shocking developments concerning the scandal, we, myself included, should rightfully be called perverts as well.

3. While Hayden Kho has confirmed taking the sex videos and has apologized for his wrongdoings, saying sorry does not cut it. If Hayden was not caught, he would have continued with this little hobby of his. He should be punished harshly. And those who leaked the videos to the public should also be punished the same way.

This is probably the only time that I wish our justice system is similar to Iran’s where wrongdoer’s punishment is the same as the crime he committed. Hence, if Kho and the leakers caused public humiliation and ridicule to the victims, they too should be publicly humiliated and ridiculed.

4. There will be a full blown senate probe and at least three agencies (National Bureau of Investigation, Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency, Philippine Medical Association) will investigate the Kho controversy. Also, other politicians (congressmen, etc.) and agencies (government, non-government, private sectors, etc.) have given their sentiments regarding the issues.

This can only mean two things: the elections are right around the corner or the circus is in town.

5. Katrina Halili wants the senate probe to be made public while Hayde Kho wants the matter to be heard in an executive session. This is unusual. When it comes to sensitive cases, victims normally request for privacy. However with this issue, it is the other way around. I commend Katrina for her bravery. If Kho had the balls (and yes, we’ve all seen them) to do some mischief, he should also be man enough to face the consequences.

6. Kho also has videos with Vicki Belo and there is a possibility that these are the latest videos being circulated in the net and on the streets. Oh dear, let’s not go there. Let’s all go back to this thing called life. But if that’s too hard, let’s just watch Hayden Kho reruns.

Okay, I should stop. I do not wish to make this entry a Hayden Kho bashfest. The truth is, we are all very fortunate that he is who he is, someone famous who chose the perfect partners, and was caught doing the deed. So, I shall end this blog with thank you’s.

Thank you, Hayden, for opening our eyes and making us more responsible in the art of making private racy videos. Thank you for making our politicians work double time in redefining our current anti-obscenity laws and fast-tracking the passing of the anti-voyeurism bill to punish people committing offenses like yours. Thank you, for single handedly reviving the crackdown of video pirate dens thereby reducing the number of people making and circulating scandal videos.

We could not have chosen a better fall guy.

Last week I asked this question: Which is more difficult to manage: a career or a relationship? In my case, managing a career is harder – by a mile, in fact.

Let me begin by talking about my work history. During the early part of my career, I worked for a couple of large multinational corporations. My stints with both companies were not long. I have always had difficulty being an employee and reporting to bosses primarily because I do not like to play company politics, kiss asses, window dress and follow orders from superiors who I think are incompetent. After a few years in the corporate set-up, I decided that enough was enough. So I started my own company.

Although running my own company has its advantages, it is not as easy as being employed. What I earn is directly proportional to how hard I work. If I slack, my take home pay will drop. In contrast, if an employee eases up with work, he/she will still end up getting the usual pay at the end of the month. Also, employees get fringe benefits and bonuses. I don’t. These perks fall under my operating expenses.

Right now, I am not completely exempted from playing company politics, kissing asses and window dressing. I still have to tolerate clients like “Mr. Toxic” and staff like “Ms. Absent-Minded.” I am a very straightforward person. I always speak my mind. Although repressing anger and emotions in my current set-up is not as brutal as being employed, biting my tongue and holding back still takes a lot out of me. I guess the only benefit of running my own company is not dealing with bosses.

To me, it always seemed that when it comes to work and career, there is nothing worth hanging on to. If things don’t work well for me, I can just check out, call it quits and try out other endeavors.

Although my relationship with my partner has caused its fair share of snags, I never even considered checking out and calling it quits. I think a lot had to do with the fact that I had less work experience compared to the number of relationships I was involved in. Don’t get me wrong, I have had only two serious relationships. Most of the relationships I refer to here are my dealings with people I have encountered in my life (like relatives, family, friends, etc.). Hence, with all that practice, I understood what energies are needed to make a relationship last. And when I started going out with my current partner, I knew he was the person whom I could make it work and with whom I wanted to make it work.

This does not mean that keeping a relationship is a drive on easy street. Although there are always unexplored paths and uncharted territories, maintaining a union has always come naturally to me. Right now, years into our relationship, my feeling of security and comfort has grown and is still growing. I feel that our relationship is like a rock that stabilizes me when I’m being jarred by everything else around me. To me, that is something worth hanging on to.