When Katrina Halili tearfully decries that she was “treated like a pig”—binaboy, as she claimed—I wonder exactly at what point did she consider herself “swined.” She was obviously with Hayden with full knowledge of what will transpire. There was no ripping of clothing. There was no struggle. There was no resistance. I am not saying that I 100% condone with what Hayden Kho, but what exactly are we rallying against here?

The lawyer of Hayden Kho raised a good point. We should separate three things: the sex itself, the act of video-taping the sex act, and the act of distributing the video.

First, I have no doubt that the participants in the video were enjoying themselves. There was lots of moaning and groaning. There was no sign of resistance. Heck, there was a scene where the woman herself was unwrapping the condom herself impaling herself with the man’s joystick. And the way she was grinding her hips, the way the bed rocked and creaked, there is no doubt that she was wild and wanton with desire.

Now before the conservatives out there throw their potshots at me (I doubt though if there are conservatives reading this post, anyway), what’s wrong with enjoying sex? Yes it can be described as “sacred” and “intimate” and “private,” but it is also damn pleasurable. Their sex act is actually quite “mainstream.” There was no BDSM, no weird out-of-this-world fetish.

Next, it can be debatable that none of these women knew that they were being video-taped, especially if the the camera was in full view. And this leads me to my next question: What is wrong with video-taping a sex act?

I noticed that women who have no qualms watching an x-rated film have similarly no qualms in having themselves video-taped. I suppose that when watching a commercial x-rated sex film, they have a conscious or subconscious desire to see themselves in that video. So seeing themselves in an actual sex video is just carrying that desire to the next logical step. But few user-generated sex videos are meant for public consumption. As I wrote in my site, mutual consent is important as well as the efforts to ensure that the video remains private. I admit as well that I have a number of videos with me and my partners. We do enjoy watching it together. It is our very own x-rated porn movie. And it makes our sex more enjoyable. But I extend every effort to keep it private. My videos do not reside in memory cards or in mobile phones. They are stored in password-protected, encrypted files with discreet file names.

But I know some don’t bother to ask permission. Their stance is probably this: “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” So they don’t bother to tell that there is a video camera lurking around somewhere. I really don’t blame the guy for taking this stance in the same way that I don’t blame the gal for not telling her parents, friends, or boyfriend that she is out impaling herself with someone’s man-tool.

But the unauthorized distribution of the material is where I now draw the line. What is private has now become public. But does it deserve the attention that it is getting? If you strip away all the moralistic saber-rattling, it all boils down to invasion of privacy. It is embarrassing, yes, but did we really expect the sexy starlet to be a virgin?

People are now quick to label Hayden as a sex addict. I could label him as a coward for not bothering to ask permission or label him as reckless for having the balls to video-tape the sex act without permission; but at best I would label him as just careless.