When I pay for a PSP, there are a couple of things I expect. I know that some people will say that I have to “understand her situation,” “be sensitive and sympathetic,” and “remember that we are dealing with a human being.” But I am not asking for any fringe or unconventional fetish. Sex is something that is natural and can be fun. I obtained the services of a PSP for my personal—and hopefully, mutual—satisfaction, and there is a certain kind of experience that I am hoping for.

So here are five things that I hate to experience from a PSP.

1. No hygiene

I hate it when PSPs don’t pay attention to their own hygiene. I can be forgiving if it’s an escort who had to take a bus from her house kilometers away, but I expect them to take at least take a shower before the deed. I for one pay particular attention if she brought her own “feminine wash.”

2. Cold, Mediocre Performance

If all that I wanted was an orgasm, I would have stayed home and masturbated.

3. Shyness

I paid to have a mind-blowing, eye-popping experience. While I do try to spice up the conversation to break the ice, I don’t need to make a serious effort to woo and entertain the PSP to have sex with me.

4. Not even faking it

I mean, How hard is it to fake some moans, writhe a bit, dig deep into my back, and scream nasty obscenities? If she doesn’t know how to fake it, I suggest she watch this.

5. Hurrying the deed

I paid good money for an experience. I intend to get it. It doesn’t mean that I will fit as many orgasms in the allotted time. It doesn’t mean that we will be humping for hours. I just want to take my own time and to last as long as I want.