There is an anecdote among my officemates about Tony. Tony is our Marketing guy. Hi is a nice guy, funny to the point of being charming. He is known as a “player” in the sense that he frequents bars and KTVs.
But he is legendary for having “picked up” someone purporting to be a female, only to find out later, in the motel, that she was actually a he. The ongoing joke is that Tony’s biggest mistake was not that he picked up a man, but that he chose to tell the story to us.
When I think about it more and more, a more bizarre scenario begins to form in my imagination. For example, how did he discover his partner’s gender? And at what point in time? Normally, when you bring your partner inside a motel, all sorts of physical action takes place. Discovery of genitalia normally happens midway of the foreplay. There would normally be kissing, groping, pawing, sucking, licking. Undressing happens seductively. Sometimes even the “female” partner would commence some initial fellatio before removing “her” clothing. I’ve seen scenarios where a man inside a car would pick up a streetwalker and then, just a few meters after, would slam on the brakes and drop off (or, at times, visibly shove out) his would-be companion for the night. But inside a motel, the action would have already begun. And in fact, sometimes the action would begin inside the car even before the motel.
So how can you tell? There are, of course, the tell-tale signs. Bone structure. Throat. Size of wrist. Tone of voice. Sometimes, you can’t put your finger on it, but you just know that something doesn’t add up.
I had a recent trip to Thailand, where my team was treated to a show involving men playing women. It was held in a grand auditorium that looked more like a school stage than a sleazy bar. They danced gracefully. They lip-synced popular tunes. They even paraded in one-piece swimsuits. They had breasts. They had cleavages. Their skin was porcelain-smooth. They did not have that tell-tale lump. There was no visible bulge in their groin area. A friend of mine told me that there is some medication that can shrink and hide these physical manifestations. I swear that, unless you were actually told about their gender, you would hundred-percent mistake them as females.
“If you get an erection at this point,” I whispered to my colleague beside me, “does that make you gay?”
And especially with the advances in cosmetics and medicine, it is becoming more and more difficult to distinguish the real from the manufactured.
So what to do?
For one, I always let my instincts guide me. There are some who, through no fault of the girl, looks slightly male. I wouldn’t take that risk. If I even have an infinitesimal amount of doubt, I would rather not take the plunge. Besides, someone who looks even the slightest bit like a man is not my type.
In reality, the chance of discovering that she is a he is a risk that will always be present. Dealing with strangers is always a risk. There is the risk of disease. There is the risk of physical harm. All one can do is be prudent.
Let us say that you do discover that your companion for the night is—oh, the horror!—a man. Yes, you can probably blame the handler but, sometimes, they too may not be able to tell. Remember, some handlers do not “sample” their lineup. At best, inform your handler. And then check back on his lineup. If the she-male is still there, then there is something to be said about the handler. Time to drop that handler from your short list.
And then, most important of all, don’t tell your officemates.
